Over the past week I've been doing a deep inventory of my wounds. With help, I have realized that my wounds, suffered / gained over a series of life-changing moments, have enabled victimhood narratives to live in my personal story. These narratives sound like: "You don't know how hard I have worked", or "No one is left to take care of me", or "I am ugly and unloveable." The list goes on, maybe these sound familiar.
I've traced 48 victimhood narratives... let's not forget about "no one understands me." That's a personal favorite. These narratives stem from things like abandonment from divorce as a child, the breaking down in the midst of high profile work, a complete loss of strength and capacity from disease. Or simply being different.
The victimhood narratives kept cropping up whenever I'd meet someone who, in mythopoetic parlance, showed me a shade of my shadow. The part(s) of myself I didn't want to see. Lucky for me I have many!
The patterns enabled by these narratives have led to isolation, self medication, depression, fear, and anger. Distrust also - that's a big one.
I decided to change this pattern. Within the pain, the wound, and the eventual victimhood story, I have found gifts. Gifts like: humility, spirituality and faith, love and compassion, resilience, re-growth, innovation, and boundaries. They are miraculous, life changing gifts that I had taken for granted. Some of these things I may have always had, but I know that if it wasn't for my life changing wounds, I wouldn't truly know how to embody and use these gifts for the new direction my life has taken.
Protectors stand at the threshold of change. They guard against future trauma. They could be Rescuers, Loyal Soldiers, Bliss Heads, Princes, Gurus. They defend the child, adolescent, the sick, or othered, who at a time couldn't defend themselves. But by recognizing the Protectors, helping them see their defensive patterns and revealing their story, we can move the Protectors into liberation. In Ishtara we do this through dance and movement. It can also happen in four circles work through Wild Minding.
I am doing this. I am opening the doors to the wound stories and rubbing the gift tonics onto the scar tissue. It's a cathartic process AND, one that is helping me be the change I want to see in the world.
I hope this post of self-reflection is supportive of your journey. If you are interested in exploring your wound stories, your victimhood patterns, and realizing your gifts, please reach out.