A conversation has been taking place around our home about the wounded masculine. If this makes you want to jump out of this post - I'll just say, try to stick with me on this - even if it feels uncomfortable.
I am one of the people who believes that in order for us to create a culture and society that moves forward from the misogyny, supremacy, violence, and oppression - to a place which I hope we can all agree we want - of equality, justice, love, support, and accountability, we will need our masculine parts to heal their wounds. And what a gift that will be! For us to realize and acknowledge when our masculine is acting out of a wound, be it in this lifetime or inherited as a legacy, or ancestral - when our judgements, prejudice, our acts of retribution or revenge - when our leadership is being driven by a core wound that needs to be healed. This could be from something that happened to us as children, as young adults, or as adults. A hard life at home - a shaming, a bullying experience on the playground or on campus, a hazing experience as we start a new job or new program. It could be from pain we felt upon being rejected from a group, a team, or from a wanted love affair. It could be when we didn't get a promotion, a grade, or were forced to endure abuse. My wounds originate from here.
Our culture teaches the masculine to build layers of armor around these wounds, to shield, defend, and get stronger - and within that defended layer, unfortunately, those loyal soldiers allow for the fermentation of shame, inner loathing, jealousy, entitlement, resentment. When we act out and seek to take back what is "rightfully ours" - in the name of family, company, or country - we lose, we strip, we pillage, we suffer.
Nature shows us another way. The milkweed grows beautiful pods through the summer. They are food for the majestic monarch. They harden in the fall and ... break open to reveal the softest, most beautiful threads and seeds. The hardend pod - so similar to our defended hearts, opens to reveal the softest ingredients for growth. Inside - also - a symbol of the feminine. As a good friend of mine told me -the deep masculine is where feminine and masculine coexist together - unlocking each other's magic.
My work, both with others and myself, is to acknowledge, access, and heal these wounds in order to move forward with an undefended heart. To ask deeper questions. To wayfind without fear of the haunted darkened alleys. Noticing my defences; taking them down.
Nature - in this case the milkweed - reveals the opportunity to feed, and to grow - in beauty -by cracking open our defences. Our families, communities, and friends can support the process of healing the wounded masculine, but we need to desire to do it for ourselves first. And if we do - our conversations will get more honest, our questions will be more curious, and our organizations will feel more safe.